Feeling alone and lost

Ok, so i guess my situations is a bit unconventional... i actually prefer it, but living with the decisions we make sometimes is the hard part.

BACKGROUND: i had a crack head boyfriend for a year and a half, lived with him and gave him my soul, until one day i woke up and decided that there is no way he can/will quit crack unless we move from Jozi and get into a new environment... AND, i was also feeling a little claustrophobic, the city seemed to be swallowing me, so i found a job in the lovely calming city of Cape Town.

Long story short, he didn't move down with me and i broke up with him after arriving, realising that life was filled with a lot more possibilities than a life destined to be a crack heads girlfriend. But thats not the point of this blog so i won't dwell on that too much.

Point is i felt lonely, sad, confused vulnerable and willing to be, and as fate would have it, this was the time i bumped into an old boyfriend who for two months showed me what it meant to be loved... and i loved it, and i longed to love unconditionally again. We started trying for a baby, caught up i the euphoria of a rekindled flame, we were also really good as friends and this worked to add spirit onto the flame, if ya know what i mean.

Anyway, we broke up after he started to irritate me and me realising that i didn't give myself enough time between the two relationships. We continued as friends though that was starting to get a little weird for both of us.

NOW, i find out i am preggies and he is looking to rekindle another old love and WE are truly done. I had thoughts of terminating my pregnancy, but eventually decided that i had initially wanted this child and that the higher power i had called upon for the child had granted me by request, so what the fuck...

So i tell him and he is happy and i actually prefer not being with him during this time because i honestly don't think we are compatible.

Anyway, this is me not knowing that when you are preggies, you are SUPER EMO and need love from time to time.

So here i sit, lonely, can't get ahold of him, no money for airtime to even random call for some affection. So what do most lonely people in the world do? THEY START A BLOG...:-)

so here it is, preggies and single, this is me expressing my irritations and the process, my joys and my pains. I don't think that there is anyone in my life right now that will have the time and patience to listen to my ranting and emo talk... at least here i get to release my thoughts. I don't really give a fuck if anybody reads it (shit, i should probably stop swearing now). I want to be a good Mom.. ok damn, #porridge brain attack.

This is me leaving you with nothing to think about, there is no moral to my stories and this is definitely not a support platform for the preggies and single lady... i read some of those and uh.... HELLL FUCKIN NO!!! that's not me.

SPIRIT BE LOVE